When I say I love you...

I LOVE YOU! Actually what makes someone want to state that expression? The answers might be vary, one say to express feeling, one say to make a relationship, and other might say it’s a permission to kiss your bf or gf hahahahaha. But, actually how many of you have ever thought that when you say love to anybody else means you promise hope and disaster at the same time?

When you say you love him/her not only means you have a romantic date every weekend but also pain in your heart every time you lose contact. It does not only brighten your day and create an eternal sunshine, but also darken your night when you can’t reach him/her at all. It gives you happiness when you spent tons of minutes in his/her side but crushed u badly when he/ she disappointed you. Like holding a candle it might lighten your way and hurt your hand at the same time. When you say that you love him/her you offer your hand. If you hold it too tightly it will hurt, but if you loosen, it creates anxiety. It ceases your logic and softens your heart, you can do everything more than you’ve ever imagine. It gives you strength but also become your weakness. Those features are presented in those 3 simple words.

Unfortunately, only few people consider the importance beyond that expression. Easily they state that they in love then become a couple, gone too far and regret it on the next day. So many couple states their love in public sites and break up on few months after. They did not realize, every time they break up, their heart die a little, until someday they cannot believe that true love does exist. After all, human feeling is so fragile. We need to be ensured that we are loved, when we get trouble we need our special one come and support us. We need to touch, to feel his/her presence, even if it’s just a hug or a firm holds. It’s very difficult, to just receiving “I love you” and then struggle the rest of the journey alone. Everything is possible! If you can fall in love at the first sight, you also can lose it at the next wink. Because of that to love someone is far from certainty, and it isn’t an easy word to realize.

To close these simple words nicely, I would like to provide the most romantic wedding vow that I’ve ever heard. I forgot where I saw the video, but this the exact vow that they said:

“Jason (guy):
When I say I love you, I'm not just making you my wife, I'm making you my best friend, my last dance, my only hope, and my forever-lover.

When I say I love you, I'm not just expressing a feeling, I'm solidifying a commitment; planning on taking my whole life to show it to you.

When I say I love you, I'm not claiming to have all the answers, but I'm hoping that together we can ask all the right questions.

When I say I love you, I'm not just repeating 'til death do us part, I'm saying I'll be with you forever - in this life and the life to come.

When I say I love you, I'm not just voicing mere words, I'm telling you that I've been surprised, challenged, shocked, and humbled--realizing that soul mates really do exist.

When I say I love you, I'm not just giving you human love, but I'm attempting to pour out God's unconditional, sacrificial love; dying to self in hopes that I can better honor and serve you.

Alisha, you're the woman of my dreams, an undeserved blessing, and a gift from God. To much of the world my life will be closed, but to you I open my heart. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I don't have one without you.
So, just know that when I say I love you, I love you!

Alisha (girl):
When I say I love you, I'm not just making you my husband, I'm making you my strong-hold, the family leader, my heart's protector, and my good night kiss.

When I say I love you, I'm not just standing before family and friends, I'm kneeling before Christ our Savior and praying that His grace will knit our lives together.

When I say I love you, I'm not just adding your last name, I'm subtracting our loneliness, dividing our sorrows, and multiplying our joy so that two may become one.

When I say I love you, I'm not just asking you to make me whole; I'm asking you to stay focused on God, then together with His strength and will, we will be made holy.

When I say I love you, I'm not expecting happily ever after, I'm preparing to walk through the mountains and the valleys, swim through the joys and the sorrows, battle the good times and the bad so together we can make a life

When I say I love you, I don't want big houses or fancy cars, I just want to live in your arms and touch your heart so we can dream bigger dreams than we could separately.

Jason, you are the man of my dreams, a real-life knight in shining armor, and I've never had such peace as I have with you. I'm never closer to God than I am when I'm with you. I know I'm not perfect, but I know that we fit perfectly together.

Just know that when I say I love you, I love you!”

I hope after read this beautiful vow, we can understand more about the true meaning behind 'I love you', and stop saying that words lightly to everyone. if we are still not sure what are our feeling, better to hold back and not going too far, and then hurt each other. well at least i do want to make it true, so that when arrive the day I'm standing in front of my priest with my hubby to be, II can say that beautiful vow faithfully and wholeheartedly ^^

The Glowing Edge

The glowing edge, I think that was the best phrase to express about youth life. Well, to be more specific it is about late teens and early twenties; when we are half understand half naïve about the real world. I’m sure, all human have sensibility to catch all exposures that given to him and adapt with it. The problem is, sometimes we just doing it unconsciously and then has it fossilized in our mind. For example, there is someone about 18 years old, he lives in a harsh situation in his home but at school of course he treated with polite manner (well, normal politeness at least). Deep in his heart, he knows exactly how to behave and how to treat someone nicely, but sometimes it is very hard to remove all misery in his heart. That will grow some dark side in his heart or what people called as “luka batin” and linger on it deeply. When he grow a bit older, he start to considered his wound and perhaps work to heal it and live happily as himself. That stage, when he fighting with his thought and forming a new brand of him, is so fascinating until somehow brighten my heart.

At this edge, we are so excited to explore the world, we want to be acknowledged as an adult and take the responsibility as full human. At the contrary, we sometimes look back longingly at the fence that we usually climb, at the yard we often play carelessly. A part of our heart feel save in our simple world when the biggest problem is submit the homework on time, but we also curious about the extravagant world with complicated story of adult. Perhaps this is the very first time we decide something after night long thinking, and feel so proud when it turns to great decision. We laugh about our silliness but silently missing it, and startled when considered how old our parents now. Those changes in our mind shines dimly, every moment we consider something or lose something leave a trace of light. Light that grows sincerely along the path that we take, guide us to find the true form of who we are.

On “The Extra Kobayashi” by Morino Sensei, there is a very interesting line that was spoken by a teacher on that story. That Teacher said that when we grow older, we will lose so many think, but firstly we will lose our braveness, because of that when we still have this quality as a raw material, that easily to form; we have to stand as who we are, and show our real charm as a youth. When I read this, I really feel super! You know, when someone reaches age of 20, perhaps climbing the tree only for getting the most ripping apple is not really interesting idea –for u can buy it on nearest shop-. We forget the excitement of conquer some dangerous trail and more troubled by shame and worries. How if I fall? How if someone see and laugh at me? (Or in my case, how if there’s caterpillar lair on that branch >.<)And then we just pass away, and forget that delicious apple. But those words remind me something precious, this is the first time I’m proud being incompetent person. I really think it is okay to act a bit careless and stubbornly find the answer with all my strength. It’s okay if I fall and hurt badly in a trial before I lost my guts. Because I know that I will learn something in the end and all those risks is worth to take. I do feel happy, because there is someone who understands this weird feeling in my heart, that call me to take every chance possible and experience everything; someone who will laugh away my mistake and pat my head gently to cheer me up. I can see the glowing edge in front my eyes, which I will get after I graduate from my teenage stage and being adult.

As a final point, I want to quote some words of graduation speech in Eclipse (The Twilight Saga) that amuse me a lot.

“This isn’t a time to make hard and fast decisions. This is the time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy because there’s no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again because nothing is permanent. So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… We won’t have to guess. We’ll know!“

Exactly like that! This the time to dream as crazy as you can, before your sense and logic kill that at the next day. This is the time to take the bold decision, before you own too much until it chain your feet. Spread your wing, looking for flyday and seize the world!!!!

about the books that I like...

Well, if I was asked that question, mostly I like reading romance story, but not an ordinary romance. Well, ordinary romance tend to be shallow but sweet (actually that kind of story would be a deadly poison if you read that when you are fall in love). The plot usually a simple one and have a comic pattern (boy fall in love with a girl, solve some problem and then happy end! --“), it sometimes can be a quite refreshing book, if you just want to escape a while from reality. Yes, an escape! In fact, the true love always more complicated than that and men actually rarely act like whatever those main characters did. Well, I did not say that women actually can reproduce some characters on those comics, so basically those kind of relationship is some way too good to be true hahahaha (for the one who already found it, congratzzz still ^^) What I like to read is romance story that is so complicated and torturing its main characters hahahaha.

What I mean is, actually human’s feeling is something so unique and strange. You can be sure that you’re fall in love with someone and doubt it on the next hour, although it is sweet, but still it is ripping your mind with anxiety. You can fear to get closer to him/her and fear to lose him/her at the same time; you can extremely hate it but crave for it. It was beyond your control and logics. Those kinds of feeling are what attracting me deeply. For example, Saito Ken’s Flower in the Heart, it told about a girl who lost her emotions after her parents passed away in an accident. Then, she was taken by a distant relative named Key. Key is a writer with a very dark past, and he showed his feeling in his works. It is Key who healed her wound and brought back her emotion, but it is also affect on Key’s work. Quietly Key is falling in love with that girl, but the past that haunted Key is too dark until he did not dare to lay even a finger on her. They are struggling with their feeling. Two persons, who psychologically wound, unconsciously embrace each other for help. Their feeling is more than a mere love. There is hatred, fear, anxiety, loneliness that sometimes make me as a reader doubt that those kind of love will bring any happiness. But, in the end, it surprisingly does. When the girl toughly presents her feeling and Key finally can accept that he is already saved by the girl. It was a gloomy story, no romantic conversation and scenes (well, in terms of ordinary romance at least), but my heart feels so warm and touched. When a love successfully bloomed on that rough and dry soil, the result is an extremely gorgeous flower right?

That kind of romance fascinated me a lot, because in real life nothing is simple. When the writer could bring the emotion that is so complex and black in a comic makes me gave standing ovation. It taught us that love is really that precious so that we have to struggle to own that. We have to hold firmly even stubbornly if we want to have a real one. Love will not hurt your dignity; in fact it gave satisfaction because you already have one. And after all, it is always beautiful in so many ways, because we can give a standard of happiness. Well, actually there’s still many more example of that kind of romance but it will turn me into a book reviewer if I discuss all of it. But if you love those kind of story, There is several title that worth to read that I can give to you (mostly comics hahaha) like “For the Rose”, “Beyond the Blindfold”, “If You Were Here”, etc. Ehmm, some of those comic are fantasy but don’t just despise it because a fantasy is only for children because the wisdom beyond that is really interesting to learn.Have a nice time ^^